remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
I'm just trying to think of how much money Little Debbie would make if pot was legalized.
I wish they had an "I'm Stoned" genre on online Netflix
please just be careful, i just switched my facebook status to "in a relationship", i would look really pathetic if i had to change it back to "single" already
My mouth holds just enough water for my bong
it wasn't a normal cookie, i figured that out 45 minutes into my exam
A man that refers to my vagina in third person is a man after my own heart.
I'm sorry I did drugs then got really loud and bitchy at your party and judged your choice in one night stands.
She just pored wine down the turkeys hole and said that she christened it like the whore that it is...happy thanksgiving.
We got way too high so we're sitting in the parking lot of the movies trying to figure out what bar to go to
The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
It was really strange. I feel like I had sex with a synchronized swimmer.
He told me he would make me come so hard I would throw up. I'm actually horrified that he thinks that's something any person would want
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