I had just got her shirt off when I realized that I was about to fuck Chewbacca from Star Wars. The way she moaned confirmed that I was.
just woke up in the beanbag bin at walmart
It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
I feel as though I could trust her, I mean she did tell me she was married before we had sex.
Give me the approximate price and I'll give you the equivalence in blowjobs.
It'll be like a meth lab. But with jello.
She bit a glowstick open. Apparently they burn. We bonded while she washed the chemicals out of her mouth as I did double shots of Jager.
Do you think drinking vodka, rum and sourpuss out of a water bottle, in a class that isn't even mine rude?
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
Just smokin in the creek with some deer, they like the smoke, I know.
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
Wait is it okay if I still want to fuck the whole USA swim team or is that only acceptable during the Olympics?
There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro
YOU WILL DIE AND I WILL CARVE 'I TOLD YOU SO' ON YOUR HEADSTONE
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
Randomize
