I just accidently tagged myself in the picture of the 16 year olds spreading their legs in bikinis. Failure.
You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
Never again let me pretend to be australian for free booze.
I don't want end up bound and gagged in the back of a van headed for rehab. Bound and gagged OK. Just not the rehab part.
well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
you can hold your grudge or you can accept the alcoholic treats as a peace offering. your choice
peace be with you.
Honestly the war on drugs is dumb and you can just sleep in my bed which is mega comfortable anytime you want. There I said it
I can't tell whether I'm a) still hungover from two nights ago, b) legitimately sick or c) all of the above... multiple choice was never my forte
My inner pteradactyl is also confused.
I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
We do have a rich storied history of emotional warfare
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
sometimes u just gotta ride a dildo and forget about life
Also fucking you night and morning and then serving your parents breakfast is a bit awkward. And funny. To me.
Randomize
