Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
I love how its suddenly "not all about sex" now that he can't get it up
a girl in my class is on a twilight fan site and running her fingers on the screen as edwards body comes up.
We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
omg. i wish i could describe to you the number of things that were just in my vagina. i feel like i got gangbanged by construction workers.
I meant to thank you again for giving up a potential interracial threesome to come to my party. I'm glad you stayed!
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
This gem of a conversation has been brought to you be weed
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
Do you know how fucking great a bath bomb is when you're high?
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
I turn 40 next week. I deserve to celebrate the end of my 30’s with a 21 year old dick
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