I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
Being back home for the summer opens up so many opportunities to have sex without increasing my number
Just watched porn on a 60 inch plasma screen TV... So that's where the clitoris is
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
that awkward moment when your booty call gets snowed in at your place.
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
I'm helping my Mormon ex boyfriend from high school embrace his inner cross dresser. This is truly god's work.
I stole a fireplace last night.
Being with her was like shitty sexual fear factor big ass sausage nipples over sized outty belly button i was scared and drunk tell know one
The last thing I searched on my phone was "leave in conditioner on cats." This is where my life is.
I know I don't have feelings for him because I feel completely ashamed every time after we have sex
I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
Who says no to sex and donuts?!
So someone just asked us for our kidneys?!?
Randomize
