who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
Oh my god I just remembered I bit a stripper last night.
It's like an R Kelly music video in here. Only a matter of time before someone pisses on someone
She cracked her neck before the blowjob and I knew shit just got real.
Carson kissed me on my cold sore before I could stop him so I think I gave my kid herpes. Mom of the year. Just call me MOTY.
I felt like in order for him to make it to mordor and destroy the ring, he'd have to make sweet sweet love to me in some form of hut or cave.
The topic of sex in the jamba banana suit has come up on multiple occasions. We're just waiting for a moment to try it out.
The fact that you think I have a life is so flattering to me.
I'm gonna take a crap in the portashitter like a civilized human being.
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
I was supposed to go on a date tonight but I cancelled because I found out the Lizzie McGuire movie is on Netflix.
Recliner chair sex has moments of worry....just don't.
Gave a guy a blowjob in a convent. Place in hell is now secured...
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
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