this dieting is killing me...just started drooling watching a dog food commercial
I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
not only did i climb through the window at 4 am but here i am 4 hours later for my interview at the mall and i'm staring in the dark pet store barking at puppies
im going to live freely with my legs opened and my heart closed
well judging by the amount of dired blood around my nipple rings i'm gonna assume it was a good night
You mean 'full wolf form' wasn't a drunk text?
Imagine a baby lion feeding on an injured gazelle and it tasting fresh blood for the first time. That's me and this breakfast sammich
There were slices of bread pasted to the wall with peanut butter this morning. I don't want to know
I know you`re my best friend, but when i wake up with this bad of a hangover and no memories of last night, i dont want to see your tits ad my background.
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
Well he fell three stories from the balcony and still had the strength to fuck me for 2 hours.
Names, who you're caught in bed with, both minor details
If you get that boat I will recruit some boat hoes for you and tape a video and sync it to I'm On A Boat. This is happening.
Unless it involves a lot of whiskey, an ACDC concert, and a guy named Juan from the Philippines, then I'm not interested.
How do I word.. " hey, I need you to fuck me really hard and see if you or I can feel my birth control. No worries, this is just an experiment." In a nice way without them feeling used.
Randomize
