We should be called the Road Head Warriors
You kept yelling that her vagina looked like a hatchet wound.
Hey fuck you and your taint. I'm just riding a canoe called life, back the fuck off. P.s. I need a ride
drunk old tina is grateful for 14 yr old tina for placing glow-in-the-dark stickers on my light switch...just avoided so many injuries
I got shot at last night. Lesson about married chicks: learned.
Hindsight: Dressing up in nothing but a bra, booty shorts, and police tape made for the most awkward walk of shame of my life.
The drag queen we did coke with is going to be on Ru Paul's drag race. I feel so proud.
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
I want to preface this by saying nothing happened, nothing is on fire. It is mere speculation. Do we have a fire extinguisher?
A guy claiming to be the Japanese counterpart to the White Power Ranger is trying to take me home....
almost just sent your mom a dick pic. almost.
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
Do you think telling guys I'm majoring in magic is a good pickup line?
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
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