If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
it always starts out as a suggestion then three hours later I have cum in my eye.
Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
Either way, he made a blog for his cat.
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
Holy fuck, spaghetti burritos are the best idea I've ever had.
I just sneezed weed. Kinda wanna try to smoke it.
I'm not sure what exactly you were planning, but you kept yelling that we were going to need a lot of midgets and a lawyer.
Did you feel uncomfortable?
For a little while. Then I got really high and ate a bunch of animal crackers out of some dudes pocket while we chilled on their super comfortable couch.
Well, I got fired yesterday. At least I already paid for my Adele tickets.
I NEED A MOM FRIEND. NOW.
it was like reliving my childhood drunk at a bar.
I apologize for there being a shopping cart in the living room. I don't know how why or where i got it.
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
Randomize
