3 st and 6 ave. One dollar pitchers. Look out world.
Just checked my missed calls... why did you call me 37 times from 2:14 to 3:58?
She threw up all over when she was giving me dome. Not even gonna lie, it felt really good.
dude so we were eating nacho cheese popcorn and chasing it with cole slaw
by the way nacho cheese popcorn is me making popcorn and then adding milk butter and mac n cheese mix
is it just me, or are high schoolers getting sexier?
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
After I gave him a handjob for a half an hour he told me I should be a taxidermist. I'm gonna take it as a compliment.
When i say that im working late and also have a paper to write before 9am tomorrow all i want u to respond is saying that ur gunna come over and sexually distract me from my responsibilities. Not a fucking frowny face.
Sorry. Im on my way.
We still need to grow old, buy a house, and drink 40's while wearing old people sunglasses, staring at the young studs mowing our lawn.
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
He took my necklace off while we were 69ing. His tongue never stopped moving either. Take that, guys who can't figure out how bras work.
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
Fuck your bullshit loser kid and his gluten allergy.
Randomize
