This chick, for whatever reason, has serious "Leave your wife and kids and also break up her young marriage in order to frolick for a good 2 weeks before I realize that she's just like the rest of them and I made a huge mistake and ruined a lot of lives in the process" potential. It's SO INTRIGUING.
You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
you should give me head with plastic fangs in
Am I undercharging for one hour of sex per essay? I need a serious business answer.
What happened to the good old days when we whispered the words beer pong and people came running?
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
Oh my fucking god how fucking embarrassing never again will I mix drugs at a family barbecue
I walked a mile in this weather wearing nothing but a toga. Zero fucks. Your move Mother Nature.
I am putting together a break up mix and its pretty much the best of Phil Collins
My dad slapped my ass the other day and say I was "doing the family name good". I feel...proud
literally who communicates this much post-hookup why r u like this
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
Dude why is my bed and bedding wrapped in bubble wrap?
Cuz u wanted to insure u had a safe sleep
Can’t. Tonight’s a netflix and dick night
Randomize
