well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
girl in front of me in lecture is looking up on ask.com about chlamydia.
you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
Pretty sure I saw a dude across the room give this girl the international hand gesture for "I'm going to fist you later", she seemed ok with it.
my life has come down to walking through campus and wondering if every guy is the random i made out with saturday
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
I don't know what to tell you, usually I would just ask if they'd like to meet the captain. If you can't get laid it's your problem.
My younger brother just got high fives from all my guy cousins for fucking my best friend. I hate family gatherings.
The last thing I remember was you puking all over the inside of my door and him yelling "PUKING RALLY!!!"
Dude, double fisting packs of Ramen saved my life last night
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
Dude, don't put me in a suit and feed me liquor; I'll never go home.
SOMEONE WITH THE TWITTER HANDLE "METHLAB" FAVORITED THAT PICTURE
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
Randomize
