I jusy said out loud "gingers unite in the middle of the night"
I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
We glued Jenga blocks together, called it "magic blocks" and sold it to the stoners for $50 and a bottle of Henny
She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
I like my landing strip. Makes me feel sophisticated.
What you did last night can never be called sophisticated. I don't care how you trim your pubes.
You know you gotta reevaluate your life when the first thought that comes to mind after you wake up is 'at least I'm still alive'
Well just watched a guy puke in a trash can then proceed to pick pizza outta said trash can and eat it
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
'twas the night before moms weekend and all were blacked out. Not a coug was sober not even farm house. I was down to fuck but you were not in sight, so I bid pullmania a sweet goodnight.
Man i fell asleep on a random persons porch on the way home and woke up to the family banging on the windows trying to wake me up
I keeping finding meatballs in random places
I just ordered a onesie on amazon in the back of the ambulance while my patient was sleeping. I'm an adult
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
Randomize
