These people need to leave so I can have rum and Doritos at work like every other American.
by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
he held my hand while i was giving him head. freud's gotta be turning over in his grave
She had a maple leaf tattoo behind her ear and told me she liked my "playoff beard".
Only in Canada would your laziness be applied to hockey and rewarded.
He called himself excalibur. Thats all I remember.
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
Just had such a rough shit, don't stop believin had to be played
How are ur friends?
One is peeing in the grass and the other is asleep under the stairs. Fuck them I'm sleeping in the car
We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
Life seems so much brighter and more vibrant after you have sex with a 20 year old. It's like how Kansas was in black and white and Oz was in technicolor.
Just got to her place. Her parents are here and are high as a kite.
Her father just game me a high 5 as they left the room. Her mom leaned in and said "this is a rebound thing"
"I wonder if vinegar is some sort of magical hangover cure" "...no I was definitely still drunk and drinking vinegar because I was thirsty"
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
Randomize