Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
Appropriately today was the first time I've ever GTL'd. I can't believe I made fun of this,it's rather relaxing.
It was a rude awakening when I turned on my phone and the first thing I saw was a picture of David's dick with a face on it, I need to stop drinking in his basement...
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
I wonder what blackout Alex would think of her?
probably "functioning vagina, must touch"
I only had sex with him so I could try to steal his roommate's cat, what kind of girl do you think I am?
YOU WOULD BE SEEING ME. IN MY KITCHEN. BENDING OVER MY OVEN. MAKING YOU CAKE.
Wait, that's an option?
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
Please come to class. I miss you and I have a horse mask
I'm going to tell you a beautiful word.
Fellatio.
first he passed out on the toilet...then hugged it and screamed no no no as i tried to pull him out
All I know is when I asked you how many fingers I was holding up, you said "Hippo"
I've never sung with balls in my mouth
Randomize
