drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
Shaq going to Cleveland; Vince Carter to the Magic; Michael Jackson, Farrah Fawcett, and Ed McMahon die.... ARMAGEDDON IS UPON US!!!!!
New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
So somehow I got from NYC to a suburban town in the middle of Jersey. At 4am. Thank god there are trains that can rectify my mistakes...
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
so far I've only met her once and hung out one other time. Up to 5 BJs already. That's serious efficiency.
Remember that time I got suspended in eighth grade, well it was like that but I was on acid and wearing goggles
I know you're aving fun across the room but I can clearly see you getting a handy. It's not as "low key" as she promised. Also, why are you texting while she's doing it?!
what do we think the timeline is for when your liver will begin to revolt against your drinking habits?
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
I went to Christian school in the 90s. I can finger blast anything, but dignity.
I mean I'd assume the strange looks are on account of the fact that I'd imagine people normally don't stink of booze on an 8:14am flight.
Dude. I keep thinking about how I let a man gum my vagina.
If the smell of things stopped me from putting things in my mouth. I wouldn't be popular with Grindr guys.
I put him in the supply closet, used the copy paper to build a fort around him and his wheelchair, then he fucked me in the fort.
Randomize
