Mowing drunk should be an olympic sport...
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
I was so scared, I actually heard my grandmother's voice in my head saying if I get pregnant, then my vagina will fall off. And then I'm going to die.
Just found out my mom's voicemail password is 6969..
Mattress luging...It's a long story.
I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
my mom and grandma just had a splits competition. slut runs in the family
my mom just cut me up lemons and limes so i would have some vitamins with my tequlia
I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
If I sleep with another Spanish guy it is officially renamed my senor year.
I like my landing strip. Makes me feel sophisticated.
What you did last night can never be called sophisticated. I don't care how you trim your pubes.
Why i have shady connections. Owner just txt me asking to come by and judge the new stripper.
Please tell me you werent the one who replaced every beer bottle in my fridge with a picture of a baby kitten.
... and if i was..
Fuck. You.
Now that it's over, I can finally say it and not feel bad,dude. Her mustache is better than yours.
I cannot handle Xanax... I just turned my computer on and I googled how to work YouTube
Randomize
