The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
Bring your kids so they can distract our kids so we can drink beer in peace.
You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
noo you weren't that drunk. you just knocked the grill over and couldn't get the key in the door, so you climbed through the window. success.
I had a great penis washing session in the sink before I left. Washed off all the bar and green beer
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
So what do normal people wear to parties? Normal meaning not you.
You wear an inflatable farm animal to TWO THEMED PARTIES and I never get to hear the end of it...
Just got our of the shower. I'm standing naked in front of my open windows cause fuck my neighbors that's why
Today's walk of shame includes last nights hair and make up, an 8 hour shift, me leading a meeting and me throwing up in a parking lot on my way to work. Dear world, you're welcome.
I went on an adventure and now we have more food.
Well, really we just have fire sauce and cookies. But they're edible.
Beer bong just needs to be rebedazzled but it's gonna make it
She's going to jail in a few weeks but she just got a boyfriend. Yet I'm still single as fuck.
I have finally found someone I enjoy for reasons that do not necessarily include his dick
I can't be held responsible for what I do for you after a blowjob like that.
Randomize
