I made out with four boys last night, AND EXCUSE ME WHILE I COUNT HOW MANY GIRLS.
The only thing that would make my night better is if William Shatner came and read me a bedtime story.
I just found what appears to be a tooth in my purse...anybody missing one?
Because once my penis is in motion, it stays in motion unless another force acts upon it.
Drunk you assumed that me saying I thought squirrels were cute meant for you to trap one in my car by luring it in with ham. You're going to hell for this.
I was to tired to jerk him off, so he made me hold it while he thrusted into my hand.
Look if 10 am was too early to go barrel tasting the winery would not be open.
Your stories are the best. I feel like you're a spy among the heteros. It's not fair.
I'm going to give blood tomorrow. Prepare yourself for pictures and a cynical poem about the heart and its level of tangibility.
My hands are stained pink. I look like I fisted a muppet.
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know.
Congrats on graduating and I'm in a cab and need someone to helps keeping me up, do you mind
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
I remember the Prince Albert and the three penises in the threesome. But the rest no.
Randomize
