If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
unlike you, ive never imagined darth vader masturbating
He's doing the 1:45AM lap: he goes around the bar, finds the hottest crying girl 15 minutes before close, and brings her home. I would feel bad for the girls if it wasn't such incredible genius.
Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
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Tostitos Scoops as shot glasses. Eat for chaser.
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
they are using this drunk girl like a spin the bottle in the hot tub, whoever she lands on she makes out with.
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
it wasn't a normal cookie, i figured that out 45 minutes into my exam
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
AND I JUST GOT FUCKING DAUGHTER ZONED. NO. I'M DONE. I HATE BOYS. ASEXUALITY HERE I COME.
But yeah, that is officially the new "I just came" picture
Yeah to go race car driving with a 54 yr old gastroenterologist. I really wish you'd come to have that drink with me Wednesday
Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt?
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
My brothers dog was hit by a car and died. They're really sad about it.
But they're having a baby! It's like a dog only 40 billion times worse!
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