just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
oh god was she eating orange peels again
did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
my dad just asked me if my booty call guy that comes over at 3am and leaves at 6 would like to stay for sunday brunch next week. you in?
Listen man this isn't about soccer. It's about America and day drinking... Your two favorite things now get your ass over here
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
Don't talk about his dick. That's mine. There's a copyright on it. Use with permission
I gave up. I'm crying over my notes. Oh, ya know, just another drunk finals week
No. I think its because I really and truly know that he is a moron and his future prospects are zoo animals.
He was the only one not on Xanax so he holds the key to what actually happened last night
Only thing exciting about him was his dick.
We're meant to be. Apparently God wants me to get dicked down pretty good too so I'm not complaining about destiny
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
I need my comforter. Pls bring it to me and drape me in it like an animal pelt. Ps I'm naked.
Randomize
