She said my dick tasted like a junior mint. Ive decided im using this soap the rest of my life
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
figured you should hear this from me. Your refrigerator door is way broken. I opened it last night when i was drunk and tried to climb the shelves. i got to the one with the mustard.
You are softly singing to the wall while slow dancing with it. I feel as though you should discontinue this behavior.
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We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
He said the last thing he remembered thinking was: 'Why is this vagina spinning?' Too drunk sex is no ones friend.
Chang gave me a 1.5 gallon beer tasting cup, i have a new boyfriend with a huge stick, Members of the Irish Rugby team slapped my ass and cheered for firmness, and a couple of strangers are naming the child after me. Best. Weekend.Ever.
Well she got high, deleted the essay she was working on, and then ordered dominos. We all manage stress in different ways.
Sean slept in the bushes beside my house again. Any reason he kept screaming/slurring 'it was all a bunch of goddamn lies' through out the night?
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A fair warning: I don't think a cop will let you off the hook just because your birthday is on New Year's Eve
Yes dating, but it seems easier to just live in a perpetual state of Netflix, internet porn, and cheese.
I had a spiritual reading tonight and my dead grandmother called me a whore.
Just keep me informed about your plans. That way i can figure out places to go and if i need to shave my balls
You need to get out of there before he falls in love with you.
I admire the fact that you replicated my apartment on the roof but I would appreciate it more if you would move all my stuff off the roof and back into my apartment.
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