just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
Just think of all the blizzard sex people are having right now
Someone else needs to become the bad example in our group
But you wear shame so well
I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season
I needed to do something spontaneous, and since no one had coke this was the next best thing.
Every pair of shorts I try on makes me look like some kind of powerful lesbian wizard.
That is like, the point of shorts
Tell me about it I woke up on your couch with only my underwear on and a 26 year old wrapped around me. I thought my thirties would be different.
I have made the descision to sacrifice the first of my family's dogs that wakes me before noon tomorrow. I may quickly become the family outcast
The condition was that I had to eat her out to Beethoven
Dude you were sitting in front of me eating uncooked bow tie pasta...
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
When you say shenanigans does that mean I should bring birth control?
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
I HAVE A TEST I'M SORRY YOUR UN SUCKED DICK ISN'T MY FIRST CONCERN
If he isn’t into CosPlay he will be after tonight. That naughty nurse outfit heals broken hearts
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