I just saw a neon sign in a bar window that says, "open to Public" but the L is burnt out.
I don't care how bad it tastes, i just put it in my mouth and deal with it
Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
260 beers this month. I need a new hobby.
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
Thank you as well. My penis is starting a slow-clap right now.
I. Put. Them. Back. We are NOT making a habit of jail visits.
I cant believe im wasting my plan b experience on this guy. I should have saved it for someone special.
theres too many punctuation errors in that text to turn me on.
The resort was totally empty, just June and I. Which of course lead to EXCESSIVE day drinking and outdoor fucking. FYI Dominicans LOVE to watch.
So my roommate just came out of the shower with a dude...guess that answers all questions as to whether or not he's gay
You kept ripping all your clothes off and saying, "Let me be free!"
I mean I'm sad it didn't work out but tbh he he can't unlick my booty hole or unbreak his headboard... He won't forget my name ever
my dry spell has ended & now it's like a tsunami of dick i can't handle it
DESTROY DICK DECEMBER\nTHE SUN SHINES ON THE THIRSTY
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