i may not always bang 16 year olds but when i do, i prefer hot ones
i thought i was pinching her nipple. It was her mole
I farted on Jack's balls last night. He got pissed and walked away cause he knew it was on purpose. I couldn't hold it in anymore.
I feel like you just avenged me for every guy who came in my hair
He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
It's when I'm in my pajamas and in need of a gin delivery that I miss NYC most of all.
they shut off the water. shaving my legs with soda. that desperate.
I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
We told you to stay put for 2 minutes. We come back out and your being handcuffed yelling "DO YOU FEEL LIKE A GOOD FUCKING PERSON ARRESTING ME ON MY BIRTHDAY?!"
I would convert to being a Republican and Mormon just to sleep with Romney's sons. The things I would to do them.
Like wrapping my dick in silk, wrapping that in velvet, and putting it in a cloud. A warm, tight, wet cloud.
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
My ex husband is now my side piece. #thisis30
Dude, I wish I could live my entire life blacked out.
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
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