So someone put the baby mannequins in sex positions
those are such fre$h shoes
going to ignore the use of the word "fresh" in a sentence that isnt related to produce and/or other food stuffs and especially the part where you replaced an "s" with a dollar sign
his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
apparently i was just sitting there with my shirt down holding my boobs saying "its ok. its all gonna be ok"
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
Just got my first unemployment direct deposit!!!' celebrating at the beach
Me toooooo!! Margaritas
I never knew being a drain on a functioning society would feel so good
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
I have a callous on the palm of my hand just below my ring finger that is entirely from opening so many beer bottles. I'm strangely proud right now.
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
I'm having one of my monday morning walk of shame coffees if you care to join.
But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
I almost took a picture but it looked like he might have a shank and I'm just not at a place in my life where I could handle having tetanus
I asked him to change the channel. There was no way I could do reverse cowgirl with golf on.
I was all, oh. I've had tattoos and broken a limb. Waxing my lady parts will be a cake walk. I was wrong.
he was like tryna hang and chat and I was like dude there's an iguana in this room
Randomize
