i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
no. you're not making a beach trip out of my abortion.
And PS thanks for calling it my "sexual liberation" and not "slut fest 2010: part deux!"
They all laughed at me when I bought that necklace from Life Alert. Who's laughing now?
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when he put a condom on for a handjob cuz he didn't want to "blow his load in the car" i started to question my choice in guys..
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
He said "I can't wait for you to feel me inside of you so I can tell you gently that you're mine" and left me a 4 minute voice mail of him crying after I told him I didn't want to be with him. 30 year olds are off limits.
Dude this weed smells so good they should make it into a Vicks vapor rub scent and I would rub it all over myself.
You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
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I still can't get over the fact that he thinks I have my life together... That has to be one of the nicest yet most sadly misled things anyone has ever said about me
it was also funny because at one point I woke up with my hands tied with a belt and we were both like what the fuck
Guess who has two thumbs and broke her boyfriends dick?
I did a trust fall off the bar and then almost got into a knife fight over a push up competition. Just another Tuesday.
He was so traumatized by the It's a small world ride but he immediately pulled out a flask from god-knows-where and got drunk before the ride was over. The ride operator didn't blame him.
i think i'm just going to start having sex with his brother, he's much hotter and it would definately be less illegal.
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