I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
My mom just used the words "ice cunt". It may be an interesting day afterall.
my little brother just asked me why i have handcuffs. How do I tell him that his sister likes being taken advantage of in the bedroom?
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
it's been like two and a half months. And I swear, I keep seeing walking dicks. I think I'm going crazy cause of lack of sex..
Passing out during sex is actually quite pleasant. its like being rocked to sleep with a penis
Lemme guess, I was the one completely shit faced making out with the 50 year old...
LOL, wrong number bro. Good luck trying to figure out what happened though..
at first i was on the bathroom floor cuz i was hungover. now im just here because it is cool
So after he broke the crutches and got us kicked out of McDonalds, we stole a bike and when we got back to the hotel, he jumped out the window into the bushes.
Yeah when he is drunk, he seems to think he is Captain Americas Canadian counterpart, Captain Canuck
I remember it because it was right after the sadness and right before the sluttiness. The calm before the storm if you will
I just formed the "shit on a tree in Chicago club." And I feel awful about it.
Walked into the bathroom and saw a Minion eating out Harley Quinn so this Halloween will be hard to top.
First non virgin Sunday. Bursts into flames.
Like I'll lick your nuts to make you feel better if you don't get it
And my butt misses you like the deserts miss the rain.
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