hotel room ftw
shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
i finally understand why guys leave in the middle of the night.......they got it right
she was left over bi-product, like the hotdog of the human race
Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
It was honestly like finding a clitoris in a haystack.
Is it bad that John just came to my work to have sex with me bc I felt bad that he slept on his porch last night locked out and I missed all his calls?
there are people swimming in the fountain next to the library... hello senior week
Apparently he's taking the slut he cheated on me with on a cruise for her birthday. THAT COULD HAVE BEEN ME. TITANTIC STYLE.
THIS TIME TOMORROW MY VAG IS GONNA BE BRAND SPANKING NEW.
Also I just learned you, Samantha, and I three-way made out at my Halloween party. News to me.
All i hear is "BITCH BETTER HAVE MY HONEY" and i turn around and there is a dude in a bear costume. It was fur real.
I'm dressed in all sequins still at 9:30 in the morning and the worst part is that I actually still fit in in Vegas
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
...blackout vacation is awesome. Where did you end up? I think i'm in Miami.
Hospital.
Randomize
