Oh please, I could turn a Vienna Boys Choir concert into a shit show
ugh the "ive seen you naked on the internet" look is really getting tiring
Too late, the blunt's already in my cleavage
I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
She took a break from repeating "my face is still buzzing!" to say that the phantom of the opera could be here
let's get a trip to cabo together for next spring... they have to have forgotten about me by now
He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
And I'm supposed to be surprised that you got another concussion?
We need to get sombreros so I can give them to strippers.
Right when he gets off the plane they're going straight to a party where you're only allowed in with a bottle of whisky and they are given bullet proof vests.
I always have trouble explaining my life decisions to people over the age of 30.
Oh man. Realized I was high when I realized how long I'd been watching Roseanne
The entire state will know me by my boobs.
Why aren't you two playing Dora the explorer with each other's genitals yet?
His middle name is Julius so I named his penis Caesar and told him he has to say "Hail Caesar!" whenever he comes. He didn't seem to like the idea, though.