dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
i just watched a video of two girls fucking with a banana and i thought of you.
i hate you
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
Dude its so hot it my room I can't jack off. Its gonna be a long summer.
Isiahs hammered. And just came in to get his skateboard and said he has to prove something. This can't end well
These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
I can't leave. She doesn't trust me and my penis being out in the world without supervision.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
That's true. There's really no bad time to take a Vicodin.
It is the Reeses peanut butter cup of pharmaceuticals.
That moment when you can't decide if you should vote for the random frat guy you have head to at the beginning of the semester for business and technology senator.
I got inside last night via doggy door
I need to calm my uterus...