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How long do you think herpes can live on chapstick?
I'm texring you during a blow job. She thinks I'm looking shit up. Fml. Ftw.
That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
He was doing push ups, crunches and jogging in place in front of the restaurant. I'm not too sure I want to eat there if it requires immediate exercise following the meal.
She had her laptop open and there was microsoft word opend and all was written was "no italianoo"
Seriously man, I'm worried that my dick's going to fall off someday if I keep this up...
Housing came buy and confiscated our shopping cart :(
How many bratwuest were you able to fit in your mouth at one time? It's me, Hans.
please dont let the old guy in the wheelchair see you when you wake up
at least the person I hooked up with donates to charity, the shirt I was wearing this morning was his relay for life shirt.
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
Want to come over and rub aloe on my tits?
I just want a sensitive guy who will get drunk with me then take me out to steal things. Is that too much to ask?
His mom already thought we were lesbians BODY SHOTS WERE JUST NOT AN OPTION SORRY
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