She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
do you think they make care bear costumes for cats?
There's guys at my school running around throwing potatoes shouting "remember the famine." makes me proud to be Irish.
just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
This Girl Got Ghosted By Her BF Of 5 Years While On A Trip They Took For Her Birthday
we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
we hooked up. but it was that weird mix of getting naked and watching Balto that made it so awesome.
I actually kinda like her but everyone else hates her, so consider it a third party grudgefuck.
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
Oh no. Not her. Her personality clashes with mine in ways that would make me wanna beat myself with a stick.
People Are Applauding Chrissy Teigen For Getting Candid About Breast-Pumping
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
It's amazing the amount I can accomplish with a glass of wine in my hand.
Gave her a puke bucket just in case. She filled the bottom of it with tears. Super sad. Although I am super proud she didn't puke. That was a lot of Fireball.
How ya feelin sunshine?
Like a million dollars! ... That has been hit by a bus, drowned under water and beat repeatedly by a shovel.