My kitchen smells like failed pina coladas.
get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
Woo Hoo! Just saw Asian kids with rocker mullets. Tried to get a picture on my phone, but you know how those ninjas are.
I wish they made helmets for livers.
23 Roommates Share Secrets Their Roomie Thinks They Don’t Know
how does Santa get into Hogwarts?
I could end up kidnapped. Or worse, the night will be really awkward.
PSA: Morning booty calls are no longer accepted after the hours of 6am when I've been drinking or before 11am when I have not. Your cooperation is appreciated.
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
how many times have i told you.. they dont like when you laugh during sex
29 Cringeworthy Situations People Realized They Shouldn’t Be In
Next think I knew I was pretty much using his penis as a microphone... No more playing Eminem during hookups
I do feel like I owe you an apology for trying to fuck your dad last night but in my defense everyone knows I shouldn't drink tequila.
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
Not sure but if it exists I will find it and I will fill my face with it
WE HAVE TO LEAVE. I HAVE HAD SEX WITH WAY TOO MANY PEOPLE IN THIS BUS STATION.
Imma go take shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.