i just woke up to that girl in my doorway. I kid you not. Tan and lime green thong on. peeing on the carpet in the hallway. Then she collapsed. There is a load of towels in the wash. Just thought you should know when you wake up. Gross.
KATE. I JUST NOTICED THAT LOWERCASE D'S LOOK LIKE SLIPPERS.
Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
The 19 Strangest Things People Use To Get Off
why does my status of facebook already read REHAB 2011
I swear, its like my old fuck buddies have a 6th sense for when I'm going to be daydrunk. Then they start texting me. And then I start sexting them
My drug dealer just asked me to go see Les Mis on Christmas. Should I be worried this is some type of musical set-up?
Hey do you eat chocolate chip pancakes with bacon in?
DO NOT MAIL ME A PANCAKE
The uberlube is also flammable
These 25 Normal Couples Tried Porn Moves During Sex And It Ended Horribly
Nutrition teacher wants anything i eat or drink documented for the week including dancefestopia. Do you know the recommended daily ammount of psylicybin or MDMA?
I tried to have sex on someone's sisters horse last night
Nothing makes the walk of shame as great as disapproval from a mom getting ready for work
You told your family you're bi over the phone?!
We were talking about exes and it just came out....and so did I.
But I am still fully ok with my life choices as long as the consequences aren't onesies and pacifiers
It was great. He never spoke.
That's not why it was great, just that's all I remember.