we're chasing vodka with high fives
well once we started drinking vodka out of wine glasses there was no turning back
I would just like you to know that the guy I blew off last weekend to come find ur drunk ass just got drafted into the major leagues.
Moment of silence for the loss of that option.
I'm sorry but I have to break up with you. My wife is pregnant and can't have a girlfriend too.
what the fuck is a social media consultant, who does she consult for, and how bad is she at it? her facebook account is currently hacked and posting ads for the ipad 2 on my newsfeed
Also, not pregnant! Way to go uterus! Good job on being a team player!
you flashed my boyfriend last night so i tackled you to the floor. you may be a bit sore.
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
...and as she's going down on me I look at the speedo and I'm doing 15 under, with 6 cars tailgating me, and I know her parents saw her head pop up because they were the car right behind us.
Because I know nothing is hotter than ocean themed dick pics on SnapChat...
also, sleeping with your chipotle guy sounds like a good idea until you want chipotle on your day off and have to look somewhat presentable to acquire said chipotle.
I thought you died. Don't forget it's burger night.
If you're going to be single forever, you should try the quesalupas at Taco Bell.
She doesn't even give a fuck about angle. I seriously gotta start doing like penis yoga or something.