i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
come over i need a lifeguard for my shower
I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
Am I undercharging for one hour of sex per essay? I need a serious business answer.
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the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
yea, their son has been arrested on more than one occassion, their daughter is pregnant and their other daughter graduated but she was adopted, so clearly genes are everything.
He kept telling me that something was trying to enter this dimension from another universe through his spine...
Never visiting again. You guys drink like immortals
I miss you more than I would miss junk food if I went on a diet. And you've seen me eat, you know how desperate I'd be.
21 Dirty Secrets From Bachelor/Bachelorette Parties That Have Destroyed Marriages
Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
Just sharpening my eyeliner with a butterfly knife. You know. Typical weekday morning.
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.. I just figured you were drunk and needed somewhere to crash, but your no where to be found. I'll I have is this corn dog. call me when you get this. I'm worried! --mom
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
Oooo. Can we pretend to be Amanda Bynes?
She bought wigs like Disney princesses. I want to be her.