Xanax induced break ups are the best. Since I'm a professional fiancee, I'm going to break up with them on Xanax from now on. It didn't hurt one tiiiiiny bit.
I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
well when mom kept referring to my "black hole of a vagina" and how i devoured all the nuts at the party like i was a pro, i figured my stay was up.
You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
When you awake you'll realize that your car is missing....just know that I had it and becuz of your car I hooked up with the hot bar tender that looks like that guy from bay-watch however I parked it in a loading zone and it was towed...that sex was TOTALLY worth it love you
I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
I kind of learned that hotels are unnecessary. Boys will just take you home, but that's tough with a group. I believe in us, though.
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
Got it in all night, now at a bar at 730 am and we are the only two people here. Somewhere my mid twenties father is applauding me.
Idk... he wears anklets.. i dont think i can get past that.
I mean seriously with your cock and my tits combined we could rule the world. Pinky and the brain style
Sorry, i'm on a strict diet of vodka and regret
You need a new phone. When you talk it sounds like the teacher from Peanuts while she's trying to give a blowjob.
I don't want a big night. But I am okay if we wake up in a penthouse at Crown Casino.
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