He cooked the food on a paper plate in the oven.
guy at the corner shop gets out a bottle of tequilla and a pack of malboro light whenever he sees me through the door. makes me feel loved and cared for
Here. I am here. I do not know where here is but it includes condom balloons, a keg castle, and a shaved goat. Do not find me...I am in post blackout heaven.
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
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For the first time in my life, I paid for my own alcoholic beverage last night. Am I getting ugly?
To be honest, kinda.
Yes, he made a MIX CD for our booty call...
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
I'm like 87% sure some random guy starting biting my ear after grinding me for like 30 seconds... I feel suprisingly unconcerned
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
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we watched a porno and made a drinking game out of it. best first date ever.
Yeah that's a good idea.. I like to be responsible when I trip my nuts off
I'm pretty sure "good advice you would give to a freshman for achieving success" isn't constituted by introducing them to your addy dealer...
it is my civic duty to ensure the success of our youth.
He may be engaged to someone else, but god damn that was the best 3 hours I've ever spent naked with someone.
LETS THROW SHIT OFF THE PORCH
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
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