It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
so he went down on me and i thought i heard him say "you're smelly" to my vagina
i got awkward and finally asked him what he said
he actually said "you want some dick?" to my vagina. which is worse? either way he's talking to it
You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
hey dude come in here and see how much of my beard i can put in my mouth!
I would rather deep fry my own cock while it's still attached to me than have his life.
I can't tell you what you just drank, that would ruin the point of Mystery Monday.
I have the best idea for a new business. It's going to be called "Lamb-Scape". We are going to cut lawns using lambs. You just put 5 or 6 on a lawn and they eat the grass #allnatural
YOU SAID YOU WERE OUT OF POT
..........
Your trash is full of condoms and yoohoos what a great life we live
They put me in room 420 every time and I take bubble baths and smoke in the room and they bring food TO MY BED
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
Her son walked in on us and asked if he could "wrestle too."
Currently using my kid's computer to charge my vibrator. #thisis30ish
when you shit yourself on the way to school its time to give up and go home
Okay everything with a penis is officially dead in my eyes
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