There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
new excercise plan: walk a mile get a bj then walk a mile home
Please do NOT set off the smoke alarm when I am tied to the bed like this...
I offered to go to AA with him...not because I am admitting I have a problem but because I want to see what they are saying about people like us.
My mouth holds just enough water for my bong
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
You were trying to swim on the floor while eating a hot-dog bun and laughing about how much you hate bread and didn't understand why you were eating it..
BRING ME THE PLAN B. ILL GIVE YOU A FREE WATER BOTTLE AND A BUMPER STICKER AND SOME BACON BITS
Expect nothing less than me teaching them how to do shots and put condoms on
It's awesome, he has so much more free time now that he's not screwing other girls behind my back
I just discovered I can sober up while teaching class
Everyone heard you scream that I was to be naked, in your bed in 5 minutes. We were one hell of a shitshow spectacle
how do you feel about japanese?
I would eat half a street meat hotdog I found on the sidewalk, I'm good with anything.
i've got three words. i. was. spanked.
I am playing in the snow in my bunny outfit. GET OVER HERE
Randomize
