I'm starting a business if you want to get involved
oh boy
Its called Cut N Tugs, haircuts with happy endings
I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
I've come to realize time passes slowest when I'm sitting in class, waiting for microwavable foods, working out, & giving head.
i just wanna lock my vagina in a safe filled with bandaids and healthy things
Walk of Shame today included voting.
sometimes after I smoke and the high has gone away...the high will come back like three hours later for a brief yet gripping ride.
that's usually when I end up in someone's house, having sex with someone else, while that someone's roommate makes us mozzarella sticks.
they told me if I wanted to live here I had to get an ass tattoo and then they all mooned me simultaneously. ass tattoos as far as the eye could see.
Oh. My. God. You texted my mom "IM BACK BITCHES!"
Dude just bought the table 3 bottles of champaign and broke one on the floor as his "signature" and he makes me want this recession hit harder
just had sex in my dorm hall public bathroom while wearing my favorite cat sweater. tonight was a win
He passed out. I tried to set his chest hair on fire.
Suffice to say, I think if people ask about your bruises, and you look them right in the eye, and say "they're from fucking...", people would be like, "respect."
All I need is a morbidly obese man masturbating at the other end of the car and I'll complete the CTA Horror Trifecta.
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
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