I bought a goldfish, named it after my ex-girlfriend, and let it die. It's really the little things in life.
Sometimes I think that I have too much self esteem
Then I realize that I'm just really fucking pretty.
It would be celebrated in history as "the orgasm heard round the world"
Seriously, I'm ready to settle for ugly and unemployed as long as he has decent hygene and likes to go down.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't know. I was also picked up by the doormen and held over the bar so I could do an upside down shot out of a bartenders tits.
You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
im sure shes a lovely person but i cant be friends with someone that doesnt drink. its just not right.
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
Chris threw beer can at guy. Guy ended up being a fighter. Chris got his eye socket broke. Fighter got hand re-broke. Chris is passed out. Fighter is in kellys bed. everybody won last night. I think.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So far, my day has been sparkling with the tears of a thousand rainbow unicorns. I'd say this is quality shit you've grown.
He came in two seconds and stole my pizza so I'm not counting it.
I think were only still together so we can make each other miserable
If you wake up with half a an eyebrow.... I'm pretty sure it was a good time.
Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.
you're telling me you don't want to have sex 30,000 feet above the earth?
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