there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
Hooked up with my old baby sitter last night, so what do I do? As I was sucking her tits I decided it would be a good idea to say " goo goo gah gah"....it wasn't a good idea.
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
just threw up on my speech test, so much for a great semester
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
just 'accidentally' changed my relationship status to 'in an open relationship' just to see what offers I might get if I were to dump him. it's not looking good
Is it just me or did a policeman park your car last night?
His beard is glorious and he smells like barbecue. Introduce me to him.
I called for backup and had two guys carry him to the shower. The bigger guy offered to wash his hair.
I've already reverted to sweat pants. And lonely drinking.
Don't talk to me about scholarly dedication until you've taken a final in boxers, a bloody tank top and a zip tie to hold your hair back. I wear the most sullied 4.0 crown of all time....
But that background check said 51...Omg. If I hooked up with someone that's my dads age.....
My dad just asked if I could bring snacks to jail this weekend. Like what does he think this is, some type of adult play date?
He literally just peed in a trash can in our room. It didn't even have a bag in it
And to celebrate the raising of our lord I just purchased a bunny buttplug. Am I doing this Easter thing right?
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