I just ate 10 fun sized 3 musakteers.. I'm pretty sure I'm about to start my period.
Talk to you next week
dude facebook disabled my account because im registered under a false identity. now in order to get it back, i have to prove that it's really my name. i sent them an email and had to sign it "Cordially, Lloyd Pancakes"
did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
I feel like I should lick our pitcher just so everyone knows its ours
Just had a tv talk show interview in my mirror. Got into to some pretty heavy shit man, would have made good viewing.
No longer allowed at circus circus apparently fuvking in the elevator is frowned upon.
My life has become one weird ass game. No one wins. No one loses. We all just kind of hang in limbo and hope we don't die. Eskimo sisters for life. Please have sex with one of them.
Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
My Easter Basket from my parents consisted of one chocolate bunny and a massive amount of condoms and a single note saying "the pope approves of the use of condoms" love mom and dad
He kept referring to my giving him head as a new level in our relationship and acting sentimental
You gave him a bj, not a kidney
Randomize
