did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
My brain says no but my pants say off.
My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
I just watched a video of Justin Bieber kissing a girl..... the sad thing is that I actually got upset.
He painted his chest for the game... I just fucked an exclamation point.
not exactly restoring sanity, but he is throwing up on the national mall right now
it was surprisingly calming to be rocked to sleep by his roommate humping on the bottom bunk
We just leapfrogged all the way to the bar.
I just woke up and my mouth tastes like I licked the bathroom floor in the last ghetto bar we were in. I'm going to get my mouth checked for chlamydia. Do I see a dentist for that?
We got kicked out of Walmart for playing cod with squirt guns of course it was better then prom.
Remind me not to get naked underneath a tree I'm allergic to again.
I woke up with a pinecone in my hair. A full pine cone.
and here comes the time of my day when I haw to convince a guy to drive my cape and my handle to my dorm.
Honestly I really just want to do you in the mail truck. Thought about it a lot today
Randomize
