I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
Now that I've lowered my makeout age to 21 I have a whole new sea to fish in.
It was beyond pathetic. You yelled her name at every blonde chick we saw hoping it would be her. Then you puked your corn dog
I was to the point where my socks were drenched in ranch dressing
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
Yeah! I was just fired because there was an over hire and the new girl is hotter than me. Seeing as how the new girl is my baby sister I think punching my manager is excusable.
50% drunk capacity currently
it's ok my mom asked me why i had a guys shirt on and also why there was chocolate all over my bra
my ex's current girlfriend held my hair as I threw up. new low.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It was like 10 tiny penises being shoved in my vagina.
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
Maybe those shots of hot dog water wasn’t a good idea after killing a fifth of tequila.. but who’s askin
It took me twenty minutes to read that sentence.
All I said was okay...
just used my $120 dollar stats book for the first time to kill an ant... good thing i stole it
Will you come get your son? He's using an old bike pump to help him fart the national anthem...
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