Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
I'm convinced that Kathy Griffin and Andy Dick are the same person...
margarita wednesday is really going to dip into new year's eve thursday
sometimes i think what itd be like to be a firework
I'm crawling around naked in my room looking for my hairbrush. Just thought I'd put that image in your head.
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
I'm so glad I got to use the word gutterslut before 11:00a today.
I think I kinda scared him when I told him if he premature ejaculated I would punch him in the throat.
eta to your mouth 5 minutes
She's going to hate me
Yeah well one of her many personalities always hates you.
The rest will just start to agree
Just saw a dude take a shot in the parking lot in his car. Too early in the semester for that
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
He told me I remind him of his ex girlfriend but in a better more advanced way..
After we had sex he went to the kitchen, came back with a bag of funyuns and ate them buck ass naked in his bedroom doorway. Had no idea how to react to that one.
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
Randomize
