Joe is a total sociopath, I'm going to hook up with him tonight
Confirm your location. A cross street is best, but if google mapping yourself is your least-shameful option go for it. ps- going through his mail for an actual address is always an option.
He was singing Will Smith Just the Two of Us to his burrito. That high.
I fell asleep to the sounds of them banging in the next room. It was oddly soothing...
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Do you think it'd be inappropriate to have an I'm Not Keeping My Baby Party the day after her baby shower?
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
I just found out two girls I dated met each other, bonded over how much they hate me, started dating and are gonna get married soon.
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4 out of 7 roommates in one month isn't that bad if you think about the fact that 3 of them were in the last 24 hours
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
I mean I only got hit in the ass with ONE firework
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
It's not my fault, Tequila turned all my alarms off.
i love how you, my friend, sends me a picture of herself wearing a shirt that says "i am dead inside" and i'm just like "awww baby you're so cute"
that's just solidarity
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