she said "feliz nobby job" then proceeded to give me a blowjob.
he asked me to have sex with him by saying 'take one for the team'. so no we didn't do it.
Is it appropriate to get drunk, stand up at the wedding and make a toast to "the time the lovely bride asked me to come on her chest"?
our generation is not ready to get married
I wish there was a lawn mower version of Roomba so I could just drink and cheer it on from the stoop.
I promise you I could read that dogs mind, he was arguing with the other dog saying he knows how fucked up I am
Remind me again why a vodka watermelon can't be a thanksgiving dish
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
my grandpa is going down the line on this prom picture, and telling me how big everyone's nipples are... he was spot on for me.
I couldn't fall back asleep it was too bright so I just took my sports bra off and put it over my eyes
I just bought the spice girls album. We will be doing music videos in the near future. You are our baby spice-- don't fight it
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
He called me dainty, then fucked me like the Viking God he is.
His pet bird was perched ON HIS DICK.
You can make out without kissing
Explanation needed
I apparently sent an offer letter to, and then subsequently onboarded, the wrong candidate. How's your Monday?
Randomize
