Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
Spaghetti and Car Bombs, good idea or what will end up on the bar in a few minutes?
Wow, I just sneezed gum out of my nose. Wonder how long that's been up there.
there was this guy running across campus barefoot in the pouring rain stepping in all the puddles. i want his life. and i want to be stripper.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He told everyone he was going inside...an hour later we get a knock on the garage door from some dude telling us a guy is passed out on the lawn and we should get him inside because it's about to rain
Just found a 7-11 receipt for new years eve at 1:30 am apparently we felt the need to buy three jars of pickles and a gallon of milk does this ring any bells?
It says a lot about how well I know you when I can understand messages of yours that say things like "sauteed Jesus."
He wasn't eating out, he was performing a hysterectomy without a license....should I be worried about my future family?
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have her designated blowjob hair tie on my wrist. It's like a key to eternal happiness
When you guys came back from the bar, I thought everyone was a T-Rex - Thats why i was hiding under the table. Never doing shrooms with Drunk people again
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
Everybody needs breakup sex. You just happened to get yours from a dude who hasn't reached the point of breakup yet. No biggie.
My sheer presence has sent the hipsters running in terror. I expect no problems.
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