Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
you drank 3/4s of your half gallon of vodka, made a fort out of the kitchen table, and actaually had sex in in it.
this is going to sound stupid but when I was drunk and thought I was a stripper where I did toss my pants?
On the bright side, I hit her with the door on the way in
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
Apparently you need a permit for a flamethrower.
You better fuck one or both of those bitches and bring me pictures that will make me uncomfortable
I can do at least one of those things.
Every time I there's a break up, I'm left with an animal. That's it. No more mutual pets.
Stoned in a petco on a Saturday. I figured out that ferrets can eat themselves out. Just picture it. Never leaving.
I want you to get your positive energy all over me. I want to to look like something from Ghostbusters.
I think I might be harboring a Canadian in my womb.
My now ex hook up buddy realized I was hooking up with others when she saw my spotify sex playlist making appearances on fb. fml
I definitely think you should enjoy one last spring break being a sorostitute before you get serious and settle down with price charming. I mean hes not going to be there any way. he can wait a week.
Randomize
