I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
everytime someone would look at you, you started to try and deep throat your beer bottle.
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
Just bought an airhorn. Bad things will happen.
I want to throw pennies on her stage, or just ripping up a dollor bill and throw them one at a time.
My ex wife just asked to go over our divorce papers and for sex in the same text
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
Of course I have a pirate flag
Holy shit, just saw a girl in the library smoking a bong disguised as a calculator
we should start a freak-out-the-cashier-contest. I just bought JerseyShore Season2, red high heels, and nipple soothing pads
Quick, I need a picture of your dick. Don't ask questions, just show me your genitals.
I just had sex on my divorce papers. I've never felt so poetic.
I gave him the white girl "you spilled my psl look" and walked away
We're so high we're eating flavored lube.
Randomize
