i just found out that washing ur bong in the dishwasher works. its been a productive day
i have a bunch of little boys around me trying to hit on me
dont be selfish, show some boob
Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Our kitchen sink faucet is leaking, so I set a pitcher under it to catch water for Kool-Aid tomorrow rather than turn on the faucet. The environment owes me.
She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.
this better not be you asking for a beej
you pulled down your pants to convince a girl you were god
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
note to self: do not snort crushed up caffeine pills in the bathroom by yourself when ur super shit faced, ur face will fucking hate you in the morning.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
PS there is a naked boy in my bed and I just left for the bar...
WHY DID YOU DRUNK DIAL MY MOM?!
Because mine was sitting on the bar stool next to me...
I'm somewhere between crying and wanting to orgasm.
Who knew removing piercings would be so radical?
Southwest doesn't have zingzang bloody Mary mix. I'm gonna file a complaint with the FAA
Randomize