i wonder what barack obama's brickbreaker high score is...
Outside the community dumpsters: beer bottles and a carton of orange juice. Looks like we were here.
the entire lecture hall sighed when the prof announced that there will be an exam on 4/20
FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
Lets go see if some hobos will give us a prostate massage for a 40 ounce.
Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)
just when his roommates walked in, we were naked in the kitchen. proceeded to awkwardly pretzel walk back into his room to cover each other (not that they haven't seen me naked plenty of times) and continue to have glorious morning sex. his roomates love me.
You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
I tried to flirt with him by saying "catholics are cool" and he handed me a cup of water so i called him jesus and thanked him for the wine
Seriously, he's as bad as Joffrey. I hope this ends like Game Of Thrones did.
What's the polite way to say "hey I don't actually want to fuck you, I just swiped right on you because you didn't like me in high school and I needed validation"
I'm not the kind of girl that sleeps with someone else's boyfriend. But I'm getting waxed just in case I change my mind...
Randomize
