she is unbelievable! ever pee on a girl?
not while she was awake
when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
double majoring has taught me only that psych majors are sluttier than govt majors
well the first picture of me in 2011 involves a viking helmet and chugging champagne. i like this year already.
Yes I slept with him, he was the only one not wearing a costume. Guys with costumes are just trying to impress you.
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
You never know true fear until you're on your period in a house full of white furniture.
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
totally just bought a bottle of gin with nothing but change
don't ever let anyone tell you that youre not 100% class
only i would get cock blocked by a cop
I'm at the fucking ritz Carlton and I would leave here to cuddle with her. Not even fuck, just cuddle. What th hell is wrong with me?
I think it's called love, bro
Randomize
