The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
All she said was "the usual?" and unzipped my pants.
I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
Apparently you need a permit for a flamethrower.
Remember when we saw my neighbor taking dick pics of himself? He's back at it!
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
gymnastic barn sex. fuck i wish i hadn't blacked out
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
I don't know if trying Molly for the first time before my flight was an awesome or aweful idea
How bad would it be if I asked him for my "ho ho ho" thong back? They're my fav christmas pair!
my new game is to try to use the phrase "explosion in your mouth". as much as possible on tinder.
ABOUT TO MAKE THE BIGGEST MISTAKE OF MY LIFE, SEND HELP
Have fun and good luck.
As he put it in he shouted "geronimo!"
Wow... So was the sex good?
Yeah but it doesn't matter. My vagina is not a pool.
It's just really funny to hear them talk about March for Life when literally every single one of those girls has had an abortion
Remind me to tell you about this weekend with them. It was the least fun I have ever had drinking. And I have thrown up pork and beer through my nose on the side of the freeway.
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