and my herpes radar will keep us safe
three words: i give head
three words: not that well
I can't make Walk of Shame Wednesdays a recurring theme.
Two penises later: I might be straighter than I think.
New justification for blow: drug week; 'how it's made'
Just had a threesome. Girlfriend wasn't a part of it. Broke up with her by sending her a picture of it. Hell is going to be awesome
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
Easy Mac and you are the sexiest things in my life
after what u told me last night I think we're past the wtf zone and at this point u should just join me in wondering if my barista lover is a gay porn star
I had sex with him for the first time drunk, dressed in a toddler overall tutu costume, at 2pm. Horrible start.
Safe to say we should stock up on nipple bandaids ladies
I know he works a lot but c'mon man. I 69'd you the first week we boned. Put a little effort in. Fuck.
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
i said cake fell into my bra, you stood up and yelled "Im coming soldier", leaped acrossed the couch and started motorboating my boobs. i would have been cool with it if your mom didnt keep calling me the "lesbiainizer"
I just found glitter glue on my jesus bracelet...am I really that gay?
Randomize
