if you call bong hits and onion rings a party, then yeah
dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
you stole their roomba and ran out the door so that you could 'set it free'.
we found you passed out on lawn and the roomba bouncing back and forth on the sidewalk.
did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring
she worked me into her spring break cardio plan. im mondays and wednesdays.
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
Just found weed in an empty handle. Who knew Capitan Morgan was also a gardener?
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
Also the McRib is back. Lets get high, dress like cowboys, and eat some McRibs.
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
So it's ironically funny that my psychiatrist's office and my cocaine dealer's house are on the same street
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
She was trying to be sexy well putting on my condom with her mouth when her cat pounced from the corner of the room witch caused her to gasp and inhale the condom
A guy caught me talking to a sock today in the Laundry room if it makes you feel any better
Sadly that does. Why...where you talking to a sock
Bc I didn't know him and I asked him where he came from and why he was hanging out with my thongs
The people above me are fucking to Miley Cyrus
Randomize
