I told my girl, that I use to jerk off to Star Trek. All she says is, "Oh my gawd, you're such a trekie!". If I was her, I'd be weirded out more than me being a Trek Fan.
Drinking Grey Goose on the toilet. Don't make me graduate.
The 30 seconds of sex was almost worth it...I mean he did smoke me out and watched the princess and the frog with me
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
I just set a bowl of cap n crunch on fire. That high.
When you and that girl went into the bedroom, you yelled "FOR NARNIA!"
I have a LOT of reasons to worry about radical feminists taking my lady balls, frankly. A lot.
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
I need two food groups: booze and turkey sandwiches
I'm on A4A looking at dick pics while the CEO is on the phone trying to convince me not to leave the company
Any sexual interaction is meaningless without pizza during half time.
Do I masturbate or eat a pound of matazah. Alissa help what do I do??
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
Randomize
