my house keeper must think I'm a prostitute.
He noticed there was ketchup on his shirt and took it off. Noticed there were people there and put it back on. Then he saw the ketchup again. He must have taken his shirt on and off about 6 times
Somewhere during foreplay he said something about me only being with two other guys... I just went with it cause we have never had that conversation...
I remember pointing out how smooth my legs were to try to direct his attention away from my vagina.
Yea. I couldn't get a job in fast food but I can teach Americas youth. The future looks great
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
Yeah I figured you were blackout when you were Shakira dancing on the floor.
The majority of the reason I want to get my pilot's license is so I can use the argument "FUCK YOU! I'M A PILOT!"
So random question. Does beer act the same as other alcohol disinfectants?
Sometimes intelligent conversation doesn't mix well with a romantic interest. It's possible the two are best kept separate. Toys should just stay in the toy box.
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
I JUST WANT TO HAVE AWKWARD SEXUAL EXPERIENCES WITH HIM.
so i went to the bathroom and my thong was on sideways... i guess that solves the mystery
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