my vag is so smooth its legendary
im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
Did my good deed for the day.. Helped an old guy hide his beer on the NJ transit while the ticket lady came by
Okay: Whipped cream, vodka, and a trampoline. This will either be really great, or really tragic.
I've carried my liver for over 24 years. If it can't carry me for the next 24 hours than it deserves to be damaged.
I'm confused as to why I have a picture of your boobs in response to a photo of my father
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
Today was my cousin's Kindergarten graduation. I happen to also think of it as a MILF convention.
he was high. i was rolling face. we were both wearing grateful dead t shirts. at that point it's like we had no choice but to fuck
Just shaved my crotch so I could call it the bald eagle. Happy 4th.
He wants to make me arch my back "like I'm having an exorcism". Not sure if I'm turned on or freaked out.
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
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