He is fucking rediculously sexy. DO HIM NOW. NOW. NOW. NOW.
party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
my dentist asked me why my tooth was chipped, i told him i couldn't remember. i think he understands.
obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
His wife found out about our affair the same day he got fired for it.
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
Thank god for makeup because it looks like someone took a shit on my face
All i'm saying is it doesn't matter how drunk you were, at 26 years of age you should always remember to take down you pants before you shit in the toilet
I kept resisting the urge to yell "2 for 2!" so they could hear me on the other side of the wall.
Looks like I've become the Walter White of my PhD cohort.
I slept naked with a towel wrapped around my waist in case I pissed the bed again
This is me trying to take a picture to send to grandma. At 4. We were trying to look sober.
Good, I've got all this booze. It's intimidating to be in the room alone with it..
You took acid last night and I’m up early to go to the grand opening of a new TJMaxx by my house. We couldn’t be more perfect.
Can we start referring to attractive men as "A fine piece of dick?"
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