the only thing i knew about you is that u dated jordan and were potentially interested in a threesome
How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
Her eyes are really red like she jus got out of the hospital and shes coughing ...80 ppl at her school do have swine flu dude
So your saying just a blow job?
This guy behind me is answering all of her questions. I may give him a lapdance to take my next test for me
How the hell can the Olympic committee frown so much on weed and yet put on a show you would have to be high to actually enjoy?
I'd be surprised if he had a problem with boundaries after helicoptering his penis in front of you
Just got blown in a rental car. I need to get rear ended more often
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
You had a fry stuck to your face... Every five mins you would wake up, take a bite, put it back then fall asleep again...
This time last year I was crying in a church parking lot without shoes or a bra, so the years can only go up from here
falling asleep on a hardwood floor changes a person
Places I vomited today: hotel bathroom, in the cab to the airport, airport bathroom, airport terminal trashcan, plane seat 18E, and the plans bathroom
Fun wedding?
Yes. Very.
I just chased my birth control with Smirnoff. Shit's about to go down.
Dude someone puked in a bowl n put it in the fridge. I thought it was salsa! Who does that?
Randomize
