Do you think Patty Mayonase ever went down on Doug?
Stop trying to talk to my friends!!
then get some ugly ones...
and she was grinding on the wall, purring at guys she liked at the pregame...
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
get over here soon, theyre throwing bbeers at us from the roof. keyword : throwing
The world isn't going to end because you slept with him!
... that would be easier though.
No, I got those cupcakes fair and square. That homeless man should have known not to underestimate the determination of a stoned chem student.
Woke up with eyeliner streaked down my face, glitter all over my bed, and holding half-eaten Jimmy Johns. Plus, my whole family's downstairs for Thanksgiving... Welcome to the shitshow that is my early 20s
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
Just bought weed from the ice cream man. The kid in front of me got a tootie fruitie.
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
Randomize
