The human being growing inside of her was a mistake. Lets just hope the boyfriend isn't.
I woke up this morning and "The Wood" was on tv. Touche TBS, touche.
She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
i was gonna tell him a really embarassing story about you, but then i remembered im in all of them
So Ive been fucking her for the past couple months and i just found our that my grandfather and her grandmother were fuck buddies for a while. I feel like this is a new awesome family tradition that skips a generation.
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
I invited you and you fucked me in the face with the penis of disappointment and shit.
I must have some kind of deep rooted instinct that tells me when a boys virginity needs to be taken.
We fed him just...so many bright colored crayons when he was blacked out. I hope he looks at his shits because this could be all for nothing
future reference: when you get a text that says "WARNING: EXPLICIT PHOTOS BEING DELIVERED. VIEWERS DISCRETION IS ADVISED." you always open the attached picture.
I don't want to jinx anything but I may have found the one.
Cat or human?
Human
I specifically remember rubbing my eyes thinking I could definitely go blind and I really like came to terms with it I was like ok my other senses will develop this is fine
I'm not talking about Donald Trump in the midst of sending you nudes
Came home to butt plugs and dildos in the bathroom sink WTF
Spring cleaning
just saw a girl run into an automatic sliding door, back up and try again
Randomize
